there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found the puke drawer
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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