Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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