so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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