I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
