Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
