my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
