kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
