He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
