Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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