our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
