I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
