If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
