Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
