1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
