whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need moral support for this bender
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
