I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
