I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
