There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize