I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
