so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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