Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
