Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
