I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
