ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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