everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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