I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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