you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
