I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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