Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
sex in a hospital.. check
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
