i don't like sucking hair
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
