I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
