I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
