ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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