we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
