quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
