If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
