You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
