belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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