Sponge bath it is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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