all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
