I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
