hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
