WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
