you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
