We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
