You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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