Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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