One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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