Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
