My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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