people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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