I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
