k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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