so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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