Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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