I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
