my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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