hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize