How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
