i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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