There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
