I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
