I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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