so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
