HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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