is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We need to rekindle our bromance
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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