I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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