remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
