If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize