M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
