I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
