I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
