I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Still dying that you shit outside
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
